The "search for immediate pleasure" and the "avoidance of discomfort" are quests that can never be satisfied. Like the tabloid press, a quick and passive way of trying to satisfy them is to feed on the misfortune of others.
Why is it so difficult to escape these urges?
Let's imagine that we need to cross a field that's packed with dense vegetation. The first thing we need to do is clear a path with machetes. Once we have created this small trail, it's the only one we’ll take. We never make another, and soon it becomes well-worn.
The same principle applies to the synaptic paths we create during the first months after birth. Each time a similar sensation, emotion, or thought is re-experienced, our system will follow the same mental pathway we cleared with our first experiences. These neural networks are myelinated. Myelin is a substance that surrounds the neurons so that they conduct electricity. This substance is abundant before the age of eight and during puberty, which is why our childhood patterns of thoughts and behaviors persist throughout our lives. They become hardwired, and forever after, these pathways act like filters that make us see life subjectively.
We may go through our entire lives not appreciating how conditioned we are and how much that conditioning affects our behavior.
Step back and make a conscious decision to examine your inner narrative.
Here’s mine, taken to its extreme:
I care about myself first and foremost. As an alpha male, I feel superior. I identify with those who are similar. I gain strength from those who live and think like me. I know we are right. Those who are different make me angry. I constantly observe and judge what they do. I am very conscious of my appearance and take pride in it. I dominate others with arrogance and indifference. When things don’t happen as they should, it’s their fault. There is no question about it. I confidently ride the wave of success until the s*** hits the fan. An illness, a mistake, a promotion I don’t get, a failure I have to accept. Any unwelcome surprise like this derails me. A storm has arrived. I feel lost and vulnerable.
I need to hide. A depressive mood overtakes me. I ruminate on the same issues over and over. I envy those who seem more successful and look for the weaknesses or privileges they might have. Soon, thoughts about the future and the past will haunt me. I struggle to accept the uncertainty of my current situation. I become very possessive and fearful of losing everything. I flee into illusory hopes and dreams. When I look back over my past, regrets come. I feel guilty for my abusive actions and sad that I didn't do what was right. The weight on my shoulders grows. I have little energy left to fight. I take refuge in addictions such as coffee, nicotine, food, work, flirting, alcohol, pills, and even drugs, and I'm caught in a vicious circle that feeds on bad news!
To get out of it, you need to step back and consciously follow the path your thoughts naturally take. You'll discover innate tendencies of which you may not have been aware. The paths you took as a child may be well-worn, but as an adult, you can recognise them and take new ones.